My wife and I have been married for eight years. We’re in our 30s and have two children. I love her; she’s my best friend. Unfortunately, I made a big mistake: I got drunk at a conference last month and slept with another woman. I swear it was a one-time thing and meant nothing to me! When I got home, I decided the right thing to do was to tell my wife what had happened, apologize and promise it would never happen again. I knew there might be fallout, but I had no idea she would be so upset. She has practically stopped talking to me and threatened to throw me out. I’ve apologized so many times. This is killing me! What more can I do?
We all screw up (even the most judgy readers)! I know that you’re suffering, but you’ve caused suffering, too. And I think you may have overestimated the nobility of confessing behavior that is not OK in your marriage. No gold stars for you!
I hope your apologies to your wife have steered clear of excuses, like drunkenness, or (maddening) claims that your infidelity “meant nothing” — when it clearly means a lot to her. If you need to rethink your apologies, do it now.